I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
