chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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