What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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