she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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