I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
