There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
