dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
