It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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