y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's Friday. Sex?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
