i need an iv and a liver transplant
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The feeling are messing with the penis
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
