Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
