She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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