Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
either way he was missing a nipple.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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