I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
