you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
