why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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