Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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