she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
