i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need a beard to bite.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
