oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
