Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are leaves in my underwear?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
