so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
