the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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