yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
