so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize