You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
