I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
