and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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