i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't put those talents on a resume
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
