I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize