Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
