He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize