I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
