She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
