how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize