Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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