I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
