I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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