Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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