I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
