you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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