??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
