whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
