It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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