She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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