I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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