My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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