Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
