i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
