question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
