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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call

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• (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I don't know if I should laugh or punch you

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Drunk twilight is the only twilight

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