so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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