She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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