I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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