My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
