we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
