He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Even my vagina gasped.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
