These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize