I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
