i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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