I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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