I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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