Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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