The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
