Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
