I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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