Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
