Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
